Where it hurts the most..

Today seemed as though it was going to be a normal day. Woke up, ate breakfast fed Madison, folded the laundry and changed to get ready to do my 2 hour workout. Then everything seemed to take a different direction. Still no word on when we will be moving out of the damn country I cannot stand anymore and still no place for Madison's birthday. The Marine Corps was supposed to have at least Madison and I out of the country ASAP, but of course since they are so cheap and don't care much about families, we are still here. I feel crappy and puked twice earlier, I think I might be having a panic attack or something. I just feel so rejected right now by a couple of people who are supposed to be close. I just want to say screw it, Madison will have no 1st birthday party. I despise the fact that almost my entire family lives in Northern California and almost no one is willing to help me except for a few, one whom doesn't even live there. If I was there I would go out of my way, but it always seems like just because I don't live there, I am "Out of sight, out of mind" and it hurts so much. My heart is pumping so much right now as I type this, and to tell you the truth that's where it hurts the most right now..